Monday, November 23, 2009

The Secret Garden Meeting.

The secret garden meeting

This is from the October meeting. A little late, but here none the less.

The questions from the October meeting:

So this meeting we would like to talk about where you are. Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?

Where am I in my grief? Well it's been 2 years since we delivered Carly. We spent 4 beautiful short months with her surrounded by the 4 walls of the hospital. In March, it will mark her 2 year ANGELversiery. It has been one year this month since losing Hannah. I'm feeling pretty good these days. I don't cry too often anymore. Although sometimes it makes me feel guilty. I sometimes feel like I should be grieving more. Then when I start to feel that way I start to think of the strength that I have prayed for. I can only believe that God has completely strengthened me and comforted me through this whole process. I think the lack of tears comes from faith in knowing that I will see them again and that "goodbye" wasn't forever. I feel a lot of peace over my losses. I know that only comes from God. I think of my girls daily. And I thank God daily for the short time I had with them. In the future I hope I'm as at peace with my losses as I am now. My prayers go to my husband though. We were talking about our girls the other day ad how we feel in the here and now. I was telling him how I have found comfort and that it's no longer something weighing me down. He told me it still makes him sad to think of the girls. Hearing him say that made me sad. I don't want him to be sad when he thinks of them. I want him to smile when he thinks of them like I do. Grief comes in many forms for everyone and grief is different for everyone. I wish no one ever had to go through it. Sadly though it happens. I just hope people who do face it are surrounded with a great support system mike I have been.

10 comments:

Lawyers said...
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Franchesca Cox said...

It is wonderful that you have found that peace that God gives. It makes all the difference when its there. Thank you for sharing.

xo

knowles_lane said...

Thank you so much for sharing with us. You have given me hope, which is something that is hard to come by lately.

Alyssa said...

Wow. I can't imagine what it's been like for you. I am so sorry for your losses, but I'm happy for you and your current pregnancy. I just stumbled upon your blog today. Looking forward to reading more about your current pregnancy :)

Bridget said...

Hi, my heart goes out to you Rachel. I know what you are going through as I too lost two babies within a year of each other. It is the hardest thing in the world to live through. Congratulations on your newest little baby! I am pregnant too (8 weeks) so feel the sense of fear but also hope that I'm sure you are feeling. I will follow your blog to see how you are getting on and will pray that everything moves along smoothly.

kissesfromanangel.blogspot.com

Beth said...

Hi there.. I am shocked because I was led to your blog by Carly's blog (christian, scarlet, river's mom) and this is the second blog in two days that I have found from Charlotte.

I work at Levine Children's Hospital on pediatrics.. the infant/toddler wing (9th floor) but I have floated to NICU and NPCN many times. I've also met Dr. Mitra though my main OB is Eastover University. I lost my baby Kathlyn in July of this year at 39 weeks...we don't know why. I had no infection in me, the baby, or the placenta, no clotting disorders, nothing wrong with me or with her, nothing abnormal in genetics, NOTHING ANYWHERE. it is totally devastating as I'm sure you know.

anyway, I live in Cabarrus County but I just wanted to say hello because of the levine/charlotte connection. I'm so sorry for your babies... for all I've been through, I cant imagine losing two. Is Dr. Mitra's group your main OB now? or do you still see a regular OB too? my regular OB has me on baby aspirin now too.

my email is rutgersbeth@yahoo.com

Jessica said...

I lost my son Ethin to a CHD in June he was 5 1/2 months old....I so hope that one day I will have the peace that you do. This week has been specially hard. Thank you for sharing it is truly encouraging to think I might be normal again.
Jessica
http://ethinsheartbeats.blogspot.com/2009/11/secret-garden.html

MoDLin said...

No parent should have to suffer the loss of a child and I'm so sorry to hear you have lost two.

The March of Dimes has created a bereavement kit for families who have experienced a loss. Among other things, it includes information about how men and women grieve dfferently. You can read about it at this link, and even order a free copy if you think it might be helpful. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp

Congratulations on this new little life you are carrying. Sincere happiness to you and your husband.

Kristi said...

Rachel, I came across your blog today and want you to know how much it touched and encouraged me. I'm not far from you, in Columbia, SC, and we just lost our second baby at 10 weeks of pregnancy, just eight months after losing our daughter Naomi at 18 weeks' gestation - on March 9, a year after your Carly went to be with the Lord. I'm a Christian, too, and have found comfort in Him, but it is still hard. I will pray for you in this pregnancy, that God will sustain you and fill you with joy all the way through it.

Kristi

Andrea said...

So happy that you have found peace through your struggles. I only pray that I can find that same peace in due time. Congratulations and know that I will be praying with you every step of the way.

Your words are inspiring and the courage you show renews my FAITH in all things good.

Love to you
andrea