Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Knock, Knock..."who's there?"

Well not too much has happen since my last post. I was sick for about a week with what seemed to be the flu. I still have a little congestion but it's almost completely gone. Work has been ok. I've been trying to work some over time so I can a few extra bucks to go towards the savings for our cruise that we want to go on. We had nearly $1000 set aside for the cruise hen we got our auto insurance bill in. Ugggg, just our luck. We pay our insurance for a 6 month span. So the money we had saved for the cruise was spent on keeping our insurance up. So we are back to the drawing board again. We each get 3 weeks paid vacation at work this year. hat we plan on doing is each getting a check cut for 2 weeks ( 4 weeks total between the both of us)and using that money to pay for our cruise. The the money we say from now until the day we sail out will be our spending money while we are gone. It doesn't take us long to save money, it just seems when we do get a good bit saved something like the insurance comes up, or we have to pay taxes. Soon we will have our last 2 credit cards paid off and that will help us a ton! We've already cut them up so now it's just a matter of getting them paid. We owe $1700 on one and $300 on another. So they aren't too bad.

I need to get to the dentist and get some teeth fixed. I have been pregnant for the most part of the last 2 years and haven't been able to have any X-Rays done to get my teeth worked on. So in the next week or so I'm going to make an appointment and finally get it done. After I have my teeth fixed and I get to go on our vacation I'll be happy!

I'm going to be making an appointment in the next few days with a new OB/GYN. I've heard great things about this new doctor. He's not only a regular OB/GYN he's also a high risk doctor. I'll have an appointment to discuss my history and talk about TTC in the next few months. I want to make sure that my new doctor is going to be on top of things and do things as I wish. I've been taking my aspirin 81mg every day and my prenatal vitamins every day for a little over a month now. My MFM doctor wants me on those for AT LEAST 3 months prior to even trying. So I'm hoping that if all goes well we may start TTC again in July maybe. I will be glad to come off of this birth control though. Gosh, it makes me so bloated that I constantly look pregnant already. I HATE that. I'd like to have my flat stomach back again if I'm not with child.

My little brother and I went to Fayettville last Saturday to go to our nephew's birthday party. He turned 5 this year! His party as a Star Wars Theme. My gracious at the kids there. They had his part at the church and all the kids from the church were there. There had to be like 20 5 year olds there. That's not counting the 1-3 yr olds and a few 8-10 yr olds, plus their parents. The church was packed!! Needless to say our nephew Brendan had a great time with all his friends. I was so glad we were able to be a part of it.

Well not much else to report. I'll leave you with a few random pics! Enjoy!

This is my little brother and our nephew Micah.

Ryan and I on our wedding day!!

And Lastly Ryan and I on our night out after the wedding!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Where Has The Time Gone?

Gosh, it seems like it was only yesterday that I was in the delivery room having you. You were SO tiny and fragile. I called you tennis ball head for the longest time. You were small and sick but you were perfect. I was at the hospital daily to see you for hours on end. When I couldn't hold you I would just watch you. The days in the NICU were long and seemed as if they would never end. Who ever knew though that they WOULD end in SUCH a way. It was one year ago today that I held you for the last time as we wished you a farewell to your eternal home. I miss holding you, talking to you, and giving you a bath. I miss the way your breath smells and the sound of the alarms, as scary as they were at times. I miss that look in your eyes when it was just me and you. You made my bad days better. i thought life with out you was getting easier to deal with until the days leading up to today. I've cried a river of tears that the largest dam couldn't hold back. It was as if it was all replaying over and over again in my head, like throwing salt into a fresh wound. I've found myself thinking of how things should be instead of how they actually are. By now you should be walking and saying mommy and daddy. I should be watching you laugh and giggle as you play. We should be going on walks and I should be reading you your nightly bed time stories, instead you bedtime story book lays silently beside you as you rest beneath the surface of this old world.

I took the preemie clothing to the Levine's today as well as 3 other hospitals. I also shipped 2 boxes to 2 different hospitals. It was hard walking into that NICU again today for the first time since you've passed. I'll always remember the smell of that place, it's one I could never forget. Seeing those big electric doors again and those portable isollettes almost took my breath away as I held back the tears. I seen Dr. Hicky, she took care of you for a while. She gave me a big hug, and again I had to fight back more tears. Then there was Tony. The man who always knew how to make me smile when things were bad. He came behind me and put his arm around me. Yet again more emotions and more tears held back. So many familiar faces and so many familiar things. as much as I miss you though, I never wish you back in that place to suffer for another second.

Baby girl, I'll see you again some day. Take care of you little sister until I can make it home. I love you and miss you more than any words could say or emotions could show. Hugs and kisses my sweet baby.

Love, Mom

Thursday, March 5, 2009

It's been a while!

It's been quite sometime since I've written a post here.

I did get married on the 14th of February. It was real nice. We had it at the retirement home so all of our residents (family) could be their to share in that special moment. So it's official...I'm an Elliotte now!

The little baby that I was asking for prayers for, Baby Jake, well the good Lord called him home. So please keep his family in your prayers for comfort and strength during these times.

As far as the girl that is pregnant with the baby who the doctors are saying will not survive, well she doesn't want to talk to me or anyone else. I have to say I completely understand. I too for a little while didn't want to talk to anyone either. So all I can ask is that everyone pray for her comfort and strength.

I had quite a surprise in the mail the other day. I got a card from someone I don't know. In the card was a check for $100. The check had a name on it but not one I knew. I actually don't even know any from where the card came from. This was such a blessing to our family. We have been low on funds this past week. We are having to pay our taxes and our regular mortgage and utilities. So with the taxes being an added bill it left us near broke. So if you are reading this and you are the one who sent the check, thank you! You have truly blessed our family this week. Isn't God good!?!?! He knows just when to step in!

I've been working a lot lately trying to get some overtime in to make extra money so we can save for our LATE honeymoon. We are hoping to go on a cruise. Time will tell if we will actually be able to do this. I hope we can though. I've never been but I've heard it's really nice.

Well only 4 more days till the anniversary of Carly's death. It's hard to believe it's been a year since she has gone home. I think of my girls often but I really been thinking about them a lot lately. i have a memory box for both girls with all of their belongings in it. I've been wanting to open them and look through their things but I have yet been able to bring my self to do it.

Well hopefully it won't be as long before I post next time. Until then, God Bless!!!